TJ’s presentation was fantastic. Several parts resonated with me, but the list of creative roadblocks caught me off guard. I realized how many of them I’m wrestling with right now, despite having had a quiet, deeply personal relationship with photography for decades.
As I reflected and journaled this morning, the biggest insight surprised me. My quiet approach to photography began when I was 11 with my Brownie camera. I rarely talked about my photos because the response was usually, “You know what would make that photo better…” I wanted to learn more, but it seemed people missed the point of what I was trying to say. Looking back, though, I realize I’ve always played it safe—and rules feel safe.
Photography has been my refuge through every painful and joyful season of my life. It was how I connected with people, how I could participate in high school without being bullied, it became my college degree, and eventually I fell into a career as a portrait and event photographer. Somewhere along the way, I relegated my own vision as just playing, which made it seem less important than the business. There was always marketing to do, newsletters to write, mailers to send, prices to update, a building to maintain, staff to manage, networking, clients to serve, and endless editing.
I loved creating portraits, but over time my photography became more about meeting clients’ expectations than expressing my own vision. Even when I did art and craft shows in the '90s, I was creating and presenting images I thought would sell. As professional photographers (PPA), we’re trained to pursue the “perfect” portrait and create based on the “12 rules of competition”. Ironically, one of my favorite realizations from TJ was that I don’t have to title my images—I want viewers to bring their own lives and stories to the title that suits them.
Eventually my quieter photographic voice began to influence my portrait work, and I’m grateful for that. But by then I was also burned out, and I believe, bored. I’ve spent the last 13 years dancing with my photography in many ways to rediscover who I am as a human and a photographer.
Now I’m returning to my roots and reimmersing myself in the personal, reflective photography I’ve always loved, so that MOST OF ALL, I love to uncover the stories, emotions, language, meanings behind what I see, what I create, and what others create.
I feel like a beginner again—and I don’t like that feeling - but I accept that with openness; it’s not about my ego. TJ’s list of roadblocks brought all of this to the surface. I’m ready to stop worrying about getting it right and start just being open and authentic again - without the expectations or worries.
If I could add one more roadblock to the list, it would be learning to rewrite the deeply embedded scripts in my thinking from the years of rules, expectations, and “whys” required in that business. None of which were truly mine, though I felt I was supposed to have.
Thank you, TJ, for your presentation and for being yet another voice of courage in my journey. Now it’s up to me to intentionally blast the roadblocks by taking those first steps.