Spirit Leaving (+revised)

Image Critiques
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Revised Version

Revision 3 (latest)

Revised version
Revised version1800×1800 2.48 MB

What changed: Thanks everyone. This is one of those images that I think just didn’t translate. I have some more traditional landscape shots of these scene, and I’ll share one of those in the coming days. It was fun to play with it regardless. More fish please! If only more of them were orange too!

Revision 2

Revised version
Revised version1440×1800 2.26 MB

What changed: This is portrait orientation version. I added the square over this one before I saw that we can have more than one revision. Apologies…still getting used to the new system.

Revision 1

Revised version
Revised version1800×1800 2.14 MB

What changed: I decided to go for broke on the orange streak (as otherwise it’s like every other picture I have of this pond, yukimi lantern and rock. Let me know if this emphasizes the orange more, and if it makes you question whether the orange is animal or spirit?

Added after receiving feedback from the community.

Original Version

IMG5DMarkIV_0742NPN3MB-NPN3Meg-2.jpg
IMG5DMarkIV_0742NPN3MB-NPN3Meg-2.jpg1800×1800 1.98 MB

Critique Style Requested: Initial Reaction

Please share your immediate response to the image before reading the photographer’s intent (obscured text below) or other comments. The photographer seeks a genuinely unbiased first impression.

Questions to guide your feedback

How do you read / interpret the orange streak in the reflection? Does it hold enough weight? Have any symbolic potential?

Other Information

Please leave your feedback before viewing the blurred information below, once you have replied, click to reveal the text and see if your assessment aligns with the photographer. Remember, this if for their benefit to learn what your unbiased reaction is.

Image Description

I took this image at the Japanese Garden after my tried and true compositions. I wanted to play with longer exposures to try to get the fish to fill the frame with lots of swirls. Of course, the minute I made that choice, all but one koi left the area. So, I got just one lovely orange streak.

Although I was initially disappointed, on the “big screen” I liked the alignment of the koi with the opening in the lantern. It felt like a spirit taking flight or perhaps coming in to light the way.

Technical Details

Canon 5DIV with 24-105mm at 35mm
ISO 100, f/20, 13 sec

Specific Feedback

I’m always open to all feedback, verbal critique, visual critique, and loud yawns of “please shoot something else for change,” but in particular, I’m wondering the following:

  1. Does the crop feel too tight? I wanted to emphasize the orange koi streaking across, but perhaps I should do that more with saturation.
  2. Is it level? I truly struggle with this when the shoreline is curved.
  3. Does the streak have enough visual weight? Does it evoke curiosity or interpretation? Does it have potential to be about “something else” besides a koi shot with long shutter at the icon garden?

Thanks for your time. I always appreciate it.
ML

Completely alternative approach, different frame, going the direction recommended by David Haynes below.

IMG5DMarkIV_0741NPN3MB-NPN3Meg-2
IMG5DMarkIV_0741NPN3MB-NPN3Meg-21440×1800 2.34 MB

ML

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Marylynne,

Even though I know the backstory and understand your goals during your visit to these beautiful gardens, I must be honest and say that the one fish in the capture - even though I know what’s going on, to me feels like something that needs to be cloned out. Had the fish been position differently in the pond or as you hoped, there were more than one, that likely would be a different story.

My impression of this is simply the beauty of the Tea Gardens and even the lovely reflection. That may not have been your outright goal for the experience, but it’s what I’m seeing posted. Of course we all know, the viewer’s experience won’t ever compare to the photographer experiencing the scene.

I wish I saw the Koi in the manner in which you experienced.

3

Very serene.

4

This is a lovely scene, Marylynne. I like the still water from the long exposure. Well composed and with natural looking colors. I wouldn’t have guessed the orange streak was a Koi, but it makes sense now given your long exposure. It’s an interesting effect, but it does draw the eye a bit, and I’m not sure it adds to the scene. I could see this being an interesting abstract if there were several Koi swimming about.

5

I would have loved to see that orange streak doing a slow curving circle in the middle of the frame. That would be really interesting. however, as it stands, it grabs the eye and is in an area of the frame that throws the balance of the image off. The intent is good and I know you’ve shot this area and posted before so I would go back and try and get that fish or multiple fish to swim in the center of the water to hold the viewers attention a bit better. It’s a lovely scene though. I might fill in the black hole in the URC.

6

Thanks @David_Haynes @Lon_Overacker @David_Schoen @Allen_Brooks .

The interpretation came after the shoot (and perhaps after a gin and tonic). I did get other shots with more fish (posted in landscape) and one with the arcing swoop, which I’ll share in a bit. I think I could crop this one differently for emphasis as well. I’ll play around and post a revision. And I’ll go back soon!

ML

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The original poster added a revised version of their image.

8

Marylynne, I think I’d like to see a version where those white flowers were included in the original post, i.e. a more panoramic view. I think the rock on the left would balance the bush and the orange line wouldn’t draw the eye as much.

9

Thanks, Allen. I don’t think I took one like that, except ones with no fish at all. In this case, it was the fish and the line I hoped to capture. I’m going back over the next week or so, and can try the more panoramic landscape view. I’m going to share a square crop emphasizing the orange more.

ML

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The original poster added a revised version of their image.

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The original poster added a revised version of their image.

12

I love the composition of your original and the increase in contrast of the David Haynes’ version. I agree about the koi. As is, it looks like a log under the water that is a little out of focus. I wish it took me in a symbolic direction, but struggle to get there.

1 Like
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The original poster added a revised version of their image.